Sulky Blue Twinkies
by ifonlynotnever
Summary: ONE SHOT. Second in the Triangles Series. Sulking is good. Twinkies are even better. But sharing them with Big Blue? Questionable.


**Sulky Blue Twinkies**

_fluorescentpinkfairies_

Rated: K+  
Warnings:Slight combination of the original comicverse with the movieverse. Hank McCoy (Beast).  
Spoilers: Not really. The very beginning of the comicverse, I suppose.  
Disclaimer: Own it? No.

--

Bobby blinks.

Um…

What—Who—Why…?

"Robert, this is Dr. McCoy."

Um…

It's blue. But… is it a guy? Or a chick (hoo-boy, if that's a chick…!)? Or… a panther?

And why him?

Why Bobby?

Like, seriously.

Doesn't he have enough on his hands with that _Gambit_ guy stealing away Marie? And with Logan telling him he's a wuss 'cause he can't take care of his girl? And with all that other stuff?

"Nice to meet you, Dr. McCoy."

"Please call me Hank," comes the deep growl-like response. "Hello, Bobby."

So it's a guy.

Dude…

Wait…

"Hank? Hank—Beast!"

Jaw, meet Floor.

Hank McCoy… he is one of the original X-Men, along with Jean and Scott and Bobby.

And now he is blue. And fuzzy. And… a beast.

----

Bobby is sulking.

Childish, yes, but he has a good reason! He does, he does!

Well, see, there was this thing… about stumbling in on Marie and Gambit… when they were feeling a bit… touchy-feely… and kissing… even though they weren't _supposed_ to be touching because of Rogue's little problem with her mutation.

Though it's not like _that_ stopped Bobby that _one_ time.

Huh.

So there you go. That's why Bobby is sulking, sitting in one of the cabinets of the kitchen, stuffing his face with the best comfort food in the entire world.

Twinkies.

He is having a good time. He swears! The cabinet is nice and comfy and dark and… and small… And, okay, so it's making him claustrophobic, but to hell with it all! Marie is going to dump him really, really, really soon ('cause Bobby can't bring himself to break up with her) and he has to show Hank the ropes (which is ridiculous because this isn't the first time Hank's been at the mansion—he was there when Jean and Scott were teenagers and when Bobby was a kid) and all Bobby wants to do is sit in this little cabinet of his and eat Twinkies for the rest of his life.

Or at least until the economy-size box runs out.

The cabinet door opens, slowly but surely, and Bobby resists the animalistic urge to run at and attack _whoever_ this is in protection of his ever-sacred Twinkies.

Okay, well, no, his animalistic urge is, in fact, to run and hide, or at least to sink deeper into the red and green plastic plates that were left over from last Christmas.

Bobby glares into a furry, purple-blue face.

----

Hank is feeling depressed.

Why, may you ask?

Because he is blue.

And really, really big. He was big before, sure, but now he's, like… _huge_.

Mutation really sucks. Mutation before was fine, because the only outward sign of it was his abnormally large shoe size. But now, _anyone_ would recognize him for the mutant that he is.

Mutants are hated. He is a mutant. Therefore, he is hated.

And therefore, he is depressed.

This seems to be like one of those blown-up-to-gigantic-proportions mid-life crisis (which makes no sense whatsoever, considering that he's only barely older than Scott), wherein a man gets depressed and wants to do stupid things like eat ice-cream or Twinkies all night without regard for his weight. He wants to watch movies and drink alcohol and laze around wallowing until he falls asleep, before waking up at 7:00 in the morning and feeling terrible about himself and vowing to henceforth go on a diet and never eat ice-cream or Twinkies, or ice-cream and Twinkies for the rest of his life.

In short, he wants to act like a woman in her 20's or 30's who has just been dumped by her boyfriend of 3 years.

----

"Oh, hello, Robert. May I ask why you are situated in a cabinet?"

"Mmph," Bobby responds over his mouthful of Twinkies.

"I see," Hank says, and smiles slightly. "Well, why don't you come out?"

Bobby's hold tightens on the Twinkies and he shakes his head slowly.

Hank sighs. Why is Bobby afraid to come out? Is he afraid of _Hank_? But—oh, come now! Hank knew Bobby from so long ago! Why would he suddenly be afraid of him? Is it because of his appearance?

"Ah, well. I was simply searching for a midnight morsel. Would you happen to know where I would find something scrumptious to eat?"

It does not get past Hank's notice that Bobby's hold tightens even more onto something.

"Mph!" the Iceman squeaks as he realizes that he has just squished the Twinkies! NOOO! BLASPHEMY! HOW COULD HE **SQUISH THE TWINKIES!** Unheeding of the blue Beast present, Bobby scrambles out of the cabinet, tosses the box of Twinkies onto the table just above him, and spreads them out to check his beloveds for damage.

Hank blinks before smiling and reaching out to take one of the Twinkies.

Bobby turns on him, an intense fire in his eyes that Hank had not thought a person who controlled _ice_ would ever be capable of.

Hank backs down.

"Robert, might you feel generous enough to share a slightly damaged Twinkie with me?"

Um…

Hmm…

Well, he said a slightly damaged one, right?

So… Hmm…

Bobby slides over a Twinkie.

Hank smiles.

Bobby smiles.

And they start to talk.

----

In the morning, Professor Charles Xavier is the one who gets up first, and enters the kitchen for a glass of water and breakfast.

The sight that greets him astounds the professor, though a knowing smile graces his lips almost immediately.

Twinkie wrappers litter the table, and two men (all right, so a teenager and a man) sit with their heads on their arms, the evidence of Twinkie cake crumbs scattered all over.

Professor X shakes his head, and takes his glass of water into his study.

----

"_So, Robert, are your Twinkie eating habits merely a respite from the health food fanatics in the mansion?"_

_Bobby thinks on this for a moment before replying._

"_Not really. They used to be, but today, I'm sulking."_

_Hank is intrigued._

"_And why, exactly, would you be sulking, Bobby?"_

"_Marie, my girlfriend. I think she's going to break up with me. Well, no, I _know _she's going to break up with me. I think she likes that Remy dude better."_

_Hank nods in understanding._

"_Well, my friend, at least you are not blue and fuzzy and trapped in the mansion until Professor Xavier can figure out a way to put you back to your normal self."_

_Bobby thinks over this as he unwraps another Twinkie._

"_True. But blue's a cool color, you know? And the fuzz isn't so bad. At least it's not blue and ice cold, you know?"_

_Hank laughs a little, and takes a bite of a Twinkie._

"_Robert, may I ask what you were doing in that cabinet?"_

_Bobby sighs._

"_Habit, I guess. It's kinda comfy in there. But… I used to have to hide the junk food because Jean does—didn't like us to have it." He shrugs. "Stupid, I know, 'cause I mean, a cabinet's going to stop a _telepath_ from reading my mind and seeing what I'm up to? And I know that she must have stumbled on them once or twice, but…" Bobby shrugs again. "Jean didn't say anything or do anything."_

_Hank nods._

"_I miss Jean," Bobby half-whispers._

"_As do I, my friend. As do I."_

_Hank reaches for another Twinkie._

"_MINE!" Bobby yells, and leaps for it._

_Hank laughs._

----

**Author's Space**

Since I'm fairly new to the ff. net archive of X-Men stuff, I'm not sure whether anyone else knows of Hank and Bobby's Twinkie fetish. If there are stories about him and Twinkies that you know of or find, please send them to me. I get a kick out of them. But if not, then I suggest you go to a site called (un)frozen and read two stories called _Rumble in Kitchen Stadium_ and _Midnight Twinkie Run_.

Title is nonsensical. Dunno if it's catchy or not.

Review. Flame. Rant. Critique. Tell me if you use this on a C2.

Have a great day.

Love,

fluorescentpinkfairies

_(revamped 7/3/05)_


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